Junk Food Marriages

In this day of pizza delivery and speedy drive-through meals, it’s easy to forgo a sit-down "real silverware" dinner. We often sacrifice nutrition for convenience. Unfortunately, some of us have transferred this fast-food lifestyle to our marriages.

Your body's immune system will start to falter if you're living on a junk-food diet. And, if we only have a drive-through intimacy, our marriages will lose their immunity to "germs." We have to eat a balanced diet and contrary to what the advertisers tell you, super-sized fries are not healthy vegetables. However, I think we can all agree that peas are nutritious, so here are three P’s to feed your marriage.

Plan: Just as planning is important to the success of a meal, it's also vital to a marriage. Don't let your married life just happen. Plan time for the two of you to be together. Society tells us that we all need more "me" time, but it's "we" time that will strengthen our marriages. A weekly date night is a great idea. If it's not practical to get away for a whole evening, find a way to meet for lunch or go for a walk after dinner.

My husband, Ron, and I sometimes cuddle on the couch, after our son has gone to bed, and watch old home videos of our lives together. We make a special effort to be alone and enjoy each others company. As a rule, try not to talk about your jobs or children when you are on a date; concentrate on personal thoughts and goals.

Praise: After you've had a scrumptious meal in a fine restaurant, it is customary to say, "my compliments to the chef." However, we often forget to send our compliments to the woman who washed the socks or to the man who mowed the lawn. Ron and I have been married for 25 years, and our relationship has hit some emotional speed bumps that forced us to slow down and appreciate each other.

Last year we were devastated as we witnessed our friends' marriage disintegrate. They were critical and unappreciative and they lost sight of what they originally liked about each other. They forgot that "Love doesn't keep score of the sins of others . . . and . . . love always looks for the best " (1Corintians 13). Don't let your love be eroded by criticism. Instead, build each other up with praise. Ron has become my biggest fan. I know that he thinks I'm smart, funny and pretty, and that makes me want to please him by being even smarter, funnier and prettier.

Pray: Just as a prayer should be offered before each meal, it must be integrated into our daily routine. The spiritual life of a marriage is a great indicator of the health of the whole relationship. Praying together is an intimate activity, and in order for it to be effective, it must be genuine and heartfelt. Ron didn't grow up in a Christian family, so it was hard for him to understand how important prayer was to our relationship, but he has learned that his prayers nourish me, our marriage and our relationship with God.

There is a recipe for effective prayer, in the Bible in Luke 11, where the Lord's Prayer reminds us to forgive one another, as God has forgiven us. God is merciful to me and I have chosen to be merciful to my husband, except when he's tailgating or speeding.

God intended for your marriage to be a banquet: a lingering, sipping and savoring delight. (If you need proof, read the song of Solomon.) So, my advice to you, and to myself, is to send the kidlets to grandma's house, get out the good china, light some romantic candles and get cookin!

More on marriage:

Love is like chocolate

Experience pure love and forgiveness