Family problems can cause untold suffering and emotional problems. They can lead to depression, anxiety and even substance abuse. These problems are often very complex so timeliness can be crucial to a good counseling outcome -the sooner therapy is started, the better.
Conflicts like these often cause people to seek psychological or marriage counseling. However, they usually procrastinate, making a beneficial outcome more difficult. Find a therapist who provides an appointment within 7 days. Leveraging motivation by using immediacy in obtaining treatment is crucial to a good result.
Married couples can experience problems because of physical or mental health problems in either person, or in one of their children. Parent-child problems can also create turmoil. For these reasons, it can be helpful if your therapist is a psychologist; psychologists can administer diagnostic tests which can get to the heart of any psychiatric or mental health problems.
It’s important that the spouses or family members stay in therapy long enough to get a substantive benefit. Treatment must be affordable. Family members can secure limited services through Employee Assistance Programs offered through the workplace. These services are typically free and are offered through the Human Resources Dept.
If counseling involves the treatment of psychological disorder(s), health benefits plans will pay for all or some of it. In this instance, seek a therapist who only requires the co-payment at each visit.
Some require that you pay the entire fee, only to be reimbursed later based on the amount your insurance company eventually pays. This is not the standard of practice in the era of managed care; pay only the co-pay. Your therapist should wait for the balance of the payment through the insurance company.
Of course, your responsibility is to do all you can to facilitate that payment by providing the insurance company with any requested information. Respond to such inquiries promptly so your counselor will get paid.
Testing is considered part of an assessment- the first stage of counseling. During this stage the therapist is evaluating the current status of the problems. What are they? He evaluates communication patterns, built-in biases and stereotypes, the existence of psychiatric dysfunctions, problem-solving skills and the levels of empathy that are demonstrated by family members.
Communication and discipline problems between parents and children are very common and can make marital problems even worse. Divorce and the creation of stepfamilies also create difficulties. Often, the couple itself is the problem because of poor communication, continuous conflict, alienation, sexual problems or even in-law problems.
Problems like these often lead to adjustment issues. Since the family relationships are central to the problem, it may be necessary to change their underlying dynamics. A family therapist often provides marriage counseling or family therapy to address these issues as well as to help parents improve their parenting skills. Sometimes multiple problems exist such as, depression in one family member, plus conflict in the marriage itself.
The second stage of treatment is the goal-setting stage. At this stage, the counselor and family members specify behavioral changes towards which to work. These can include increase in levels of demonstrated empathy, the use of negotiation techniques, the demonstration of positive reinforcement and appreciation and the more frequent use of forgiveness.
The last stage of counseling is implementation. This stage includes the development of a plan of action to get the family members from where they are to where they WANT to be. Several counseling approaches may be necessary in these circumstances, including interpersonal and empathy training, cognitive modification and role playing and role reversal. The therapist may ask the clients to use diaries, logs, charts, graphs etc to practice specific the new behavioral skills in their everyday lives.
Does the counselor ever see an individual family member separately from the family sessions? Only infrequently, will a psychologist provide individual psychotherapy to one member of the family, and simultaneously treat the whole family or the couple. However, one exception is that treatment related to child behavior problems will often include individual sessions with the parents to impart parenting skills.
However, these sessions are designed to help with parenting skills only. While it is possible to provide individual psychotherapy to two family members separately, psychologists evaluate its possible effectiveness on a per case basis.
Psychologists who provide family therapy or marriage counseling often have received specialized training in family counseling theory and in family and marriage therapy skills. When you contact a psychologist for family or marriage counseling, do not hesitate to ask about his/her training in marriage and family therapy techniques.
Monday 4 May 2009
How to Live With a Depressed Loved One
What do I know about living with a depressed loved one?...in a word...plenty!
For over six years my life was ruled by my wife's severe and debilitating depression, as was her life. If you live with someone who suffers from depression or anxiety, I don't have to explain to you what life can be like!
Sharon's depression cost us everything, including our home, our savings, our investments and my own health. We tried for years to find something that would help her because traditional medical intervention had very limited benefit for her, and non-traditional approaches drained us of our financial well being.
We tried just about every single avenue that we could think of with almost no results...but then, with the help of a few key people who came into our lives, we were finally able to sift through all the information we had gathered and find some answers.
We consulted countless "experts", each with their own field of specialization. Although not one of them was really able to offer much in the way or results, we did find that each avenue we explored did hold a small piece of the puzzle. So, we sifted through the information that we gathered over years of research and we found what we consider to be the truth.
It was like sifting through thousands of jigsaw puzzle pieces, all from different puzzles, and trying to find the pieces that fit together to complete the proper picture...and we did it!
As we implemented what we learned for Sharon's healing, I found that by implementing the same information for my own bennifit had a tremendous impact on my ability to live with Sharon's depression, which put me in a better position to help her heal.
What we discovered through this mountain of research is that there are what we call, "The Four Dimensions of Healing". Understanding these four dimensions as they apply to someone who is struggling with depression in the family, I believe, is critically important in helping you make it through the really tough times with your loved one's depression.
Clearly, in the space available in this article I can not go into enough detail to solve your family depression issues, but I can point you into the right direction so that you know what you need to do next in order to start making real changes in your life.
The for dimensions of healing are:
1. The Physical Dimension: When living with a depressed love one it is important to understand what depression really is on a physical level. Study what areas of the brain cause depression, study what neuro-transmitters are, what anti-depressants do and how they work. In addition, it is important to understand what is happening to your own physiology when you are dealing with the severe stress that depression causes in the family. Learn what stress is, what chemicals in your body cause stress and what affect those chemicals have on other systems in your body.
Once you have a better understanding of the physical dimension, you will be in a much better position to make decisions in terms of medications, diet and exercise. You will better understand why one thing works for you while another does not. Until you understand the physical dimension, you are shooting in the dark and at the mercy of your doctor's text books...and they are not always right!
2. The Spiritual Dimension: Understanding the difference between spirituality and religion is important. This helps you identify and clarify your own spiritual position and health. It is even more important to understand the role of spirituality in the healing process. Without this understanding, you are missing a huge step in the healing process and you are making it so much harder on yourself than it really has to be to cope with the stress.
Do some research on the importance and the role of spirituality in healing. Even if you are not religious, an understanding of the spiritual dimension of healing will play a pivotal role in living with a depressed loved one.
3. The Dimension of the Mind: When dealing with depression or anxiety, or with any other illness for that matter, understanding the role and the power of the subconscious mind is absolutely key in making changes in your life. The subconscious mind controls 99 percent of your life without you even knowing about it. Understanding its power and its functions give you the power to change unconscious beliefs which ultimately change your behavior, the way you respond to life's challenges, and the way you feel.
Don't ignore this most powerful dimension, it allows you to change your life at will!
4. The Dimension of Natural Law: probably the most overlooked area of healing is the dimension of natural law. Understanding how the universe around you works and what your role is in it can give you more power over illness and stress than most people could ever imagine. Study the universal laws such as the law of vibration and attraction, the law of perpetual transmutation of energy, the law of polarity and others.
You don't have to be a quantum physicist to understand the basics and to be able to apply those principles to make changes in your life. Learn the basics of quantum theory and open your mind to it's possibilities.
Once we had a more clear understanding of these four dimensions of healing, both Sharon and I were able to make the right decisions for ourselves regarding her illnesses. Sharon was able to make the right decisions to help her make some real progress in her healing and I was able to make the right decisions to help me survive the devastating affects depression on the family.
Everything you need to understand the four dimensions of healing is available to you on line. Take the time to learn about them and you will change your live...we certainly did!
For over six years my life was ruled by my wife's severe and debilitating depression, as was her life. If you live with someone who suffers from depression or anxiety, I don't have to explain to you what life can be like!
Sharon's depression cost us everything, including our home, our savings, our investments and my own health. We tried for years to find something that would help her because traditional medical intervention had very limited benefit for her, and non-traditional approaches drained us of our financial well being.
We tried just about every single avenue that we could think of with almost no results...but then, with the help of a few key people who came into our lives, we were finally able to sift through all the information we had gathered and find some answers.
We consulted countless "experts", each with their own field of specialization. Although not one of them was really able to offer much in the way or results, we did find that each avenue we explored did hold a small piece of the puzzle. So, we sifted through the information that we gathered over years of research and we found what we consider to be the truth.
It was like sifting through thousands of jigsaw puzzle pieces, all from different puzzles, and trying to find the pieces that fit together to complete the proper picture...and we did it!
As we implemented what we learned for Sharon's healing, I found that by implementing the same information for my own bennifit had a tremendous impact on my ability to live with Sharon's depression, which put me in a better position to help her heal.
What we discovered through this mountain of research is that there are what we call, "The Four Dimensions of Healing". Understanding these four dimensions as they apply to someone who is struggling with depression in the family, I believe, is critically important in helping you make it through the really tough times with your loved one's depression.
Clearly, in the space available in this article I can not go into enough detail to solve your family depression issues, but I can point you into the right direction so that you know what you need to do next in order to start making real changes in your life.
The for dimensions of healing are:
1. The Physical Dimension: When living with a depressed love one it is important to understand what depression really is on a physical level. Study what areas of the brain cause depression, study what neuro-transmitters are, what anti-depressants do and how they work. In addition, it is important to understand what is happening to your own physiology when you are dealing with the severe stress that depression causes in the family. Learn what stress is, what chemicals in your body cause stress and what affect those chemicals have on other systems in your body.
Once you have a better understanding of the physical dimension, you will be in a much better position to make decisions in terms of medications, diet and exercise. You will better understand why one thing works for you while another does not. Until you understand the physical dimension, you are shooting in the dark and at the mercy of your doctor's text books...and they are not always right!
2. The Spiritual Dimension: Understanding the difference between spirituality and religion is important. This helps you identify and clarify your own spiritual position and health. It is even more important to understand the role of spirituality in the healing process. Without this understanding, you are missing a huge step in the healing process and you are making it so much harder on yourself than it really has to be to cope with the stress.
Do some research on the importance and the role of spirituality in healing. Even if you are not religious, an understanding of the spiritual dimension of healing will play a pivotal role in living with a depressed loved one.
3. The Dimension of the Mind: When dealing with depression or anxiety, or with any other illness for that matter, understanding the role and the power of the subconscious mind is absolutely key in making changes in your life. The subconscious mind controls 99 percent of your life without you even knowing about it. Understanding its power and its functions give you the power to change unconscious beliefs which ultimately change your behavior, the way you respond to life's challenges, and the way you feel.
Don't ignore this most powerful dimension, it allows you to change your life at will!
4. The Dimension of Natural Law: probably the most overlooked area of healing is the dimension of natural law. Understanding how the universe around you works and what your role is in it can give you more power over illness and stress than most people could ever imagine. Study the universal laws such as the law of vibration and attraction, the law of perpetual transmutation of energy, the law of polarity and others.
You don't have to be a quantum physicist to understand the basics and to be able to apply those principles to make changes in your life. Learn the basics of quantum theory and open your mind to it's possibilities.
Once we had a more clear understanding of these four dimensions of healing, both Sharon and I were able to make the right decisions for ourselves regarding her illnesses. Sharon was able to make the right decisions to help her make some real progress in her healing and I was able to make the right decisions to help me survive the devastating affects depression on the family.
Everything you need to understand the four dimensions of healing is available to you on line. Take the time to learn about them and you will change your live...we certainly did!
Decoding Your Family Crest
Discovering the design of your family crest is an exciting moment. But, what exactly do those colors and images mean? Believe it or not, every part of the coat of arms has a specific symbolic meaning. Therefore, your family probably put a great deal of time and thought creating the family crest you are still enjoying today.
Family Crest Colors
The first thing you will likely notice is the colors of your family crest - more specifically, the background colors of the shield. The following is a list of colors commonly found on the coat of arms and their meaning:
- Black (known as sable) - grief and constancy
- Blue (known as azure) - loyalty and strength
- Gold (known as or) - generosity
- Green (known as vert) - loyalty in love and hope
- Maroon (known as murray or sanguine) - patient in battle and victorious
- Purple (known as purpure) - sovereignty, justice, and regal
- Red (known as gules) - martyr, warrior, strength, and military
- Silver or white (known as argent) - peace and sincerity
- Orange (known as Tawny or Tenne) - worthwhile ambition
Family Crest Animals
A number of different animals may also be found on your family crest, each with its own unique meaning such as:
- Bear - fierce protection
- Boar - fights to the death or fierce fighter
- Boars Head - hospitality
- Bull - magnanimity and valor; the symbol was also worn during battles as a charm against becoming injured
- Deer (or stag or buck) - politic, skillful, or lover of harmony; representative of all Celtic ancestors
- Dog (usually the greyhound or the Talbot) - fidelity, courage, or loyalty
- Dolphin - charity or affection
- Dragon - valiant defender
- Fish - of high nature or regal; Gods are often represented by fish
- Fox - wisdom or wise defense
- Griffin - vigilance or valiant soldier
- Horse - ready for duty
- Leopard - enduring and valiant warrior
- Lion - fierce courage, can be used to represent someone who was a great warrior or a chief
- Rabbits (also known as hares or conies) - peace loving
- Snake - wisdom; also a symbol of renewal and fertility in Ireland and long associated with lightening
- Tiger - valor and fierceness
- Tortoise - invulnerability
- Wolf - perseverance in effort or siege
Family Crest Birds
You may discover that your family crest includes birds rather than mammals, reptiles, or imaginary animals. These birds also have their own unique meaning, including:
- Dove - peach and love; considered the bird of God in Ireland
- Eagle - a person of action, power, noble nature, or strength; the protector
- Peacock - pride and beauty
- Swallow (or Martlet) - the sign of the fourth son, representing a person who has lost his land; the Martlet was considered a symbol of perpetual movement in Ireland
- Swan - poetry, musical, harmony; the swan was thought to bear the spirit of dead Celtic Chieftains as they carried them to the next life
Markings of the Family Crest Shield
The markings of the shield in the family crest also have a significant meaning, such as:
- Bend (characterized by two diagonal lines running from the upper left hand corner of the shield to the lower right hand corner) - represents the knight's scarf, signifying defense
- Bordure (characterized by a smaller image of the shield within the shield) - representing honor and used to differentiate between family members bearing the same family crest
- Canton (characterized by a small square in the upper left hand corner of the shield) - representing a flag that has been added to the arms that may have been granted by a Sovereign
- Chevron (characterized by two lines bent into right angles and forming a point in the middle of the shield) - representing the roof of a house and signifying faithful service and protection
- Chief (characterized by one horizontal line toward the top of the shield) - authority, dominion, achievement in battle, wisdom
- Cross (characterized by a large cross covering the entire width and length of the shield, the lines are horizontal and vertical) - one of Christian faith who served in the Crusades
- Fess (characterized by two horizontal lines running through the middle of the shield) - signifying the military belt and representing honor
- Pale (characterized by two vertical lines in the middle of the shield) - fortitude and military strength
- Pile - (characterized by a triangular image with the point of the triangle pointing downward) - representing wood used to build bridges and signifying building and construction
- Saltire - (characterized by a cross looking like a large X covering the entire area of the shield, running from corner to corner) - St. Andrew's cross signifying resolve and resolution
These are just a few of the symbols and shapes commonly found on the coat of arms. There may be different symbols and colors used on your own personal family crest aside from those mentioned because many families sought to find a family crest that was truly unique. Through a little research and imagination, you just might be able to decode your family crest as well!
Family Crest Colors
The first thing you will likely notice is the colors of your family crest - more specifically, the background colors of the shield. The following is a list of colors commonly found on the coat of arms and their meaning:
- Black (known as sable) - grief and constancy
- Blue (known as azure) - loyalty and strength
- Gold (known as or) - generosity
- Green (known as vert) - loyalty in love and hope
- Maroon (known as murray or sanguine) - patient in battle and victorious
- Purple (known as purpure) - sovereignty, justice, and regal
- Red (known as gules) - martyr, warrior, strength, and military
- Silver or white (known as argent) - peace and sincerity
- Orange (known as Tawny or Tenne) - worthwhile ambition
Family Crest Animals
A number of different animals may also be found on your family crest, each with its own unique meaning such as:
- Bear - fierce protection
- Boar - fights to the death or fierce fighter
- Boars Head - hospitality
- Bull - magnanimity and valor; the symbol was also worn during battles as a charm against becoming injured
- Deer (or stag or buck) - politic, skillful, or lover of harmony; representative of all Celtic ancestors
- Dog (usually the greyhound or the Talbot) - fidelity, courage, or loyalty
- Dolphin - charity or affection
- Dragon - valiant defender
- Fish - of high nature or regal; Gods are often represented by fish
- Fox - wisdom or wise defense
- Griffin - vigilance or valiant soldier
- Horse - ready for duty
- Leopard - enduring and valiant warrior
- Lion - fierce courage, can be used to represent someone who was a great warrior or a chief
- Rabbits (also known as hares or conies) - peace loving
- Snake - wisdom; also a symbol of renewal and fertility in Ireland and long associated with lightening
- Tiger - valor and fierceness
- Tortoise - invulnerability
- Wolf - perseverance in effort or siege
Family Crest Birds
You may discover that your family crest includes birds rather than mammals, reptiles, or imaginary animals. These birds also have their own unique meaning, including:
- Dove - peach and love; considered the bird of God in Ireland
- Eagle - a person of action, power, noble nature, or strength; the protector
- Peacock - pride and beauty
- Swallow (or Martlet) - the sign of the fourth son, representing a person who has lost his land; the Martlet was considered a symbol of perpetual movement in Ireland
- Swan - poetry, musical, harmony; the swan was thought to bear the spirit of dead Celtic Chieftains as they carried them to the next life
Markings of the Family Crest Shield
The markings of the shield in the family crest also have a significant meaning, such as:
- Bend (characterized by two diagonal lines running from the upper left hand corner of the shield to the lower right hand corner) - represents the knight's scarf, signifying defense
- Bordure (characterized by a smaller image of the shield within the shield) - representing honor and used to differentiate between family members bearing the same family crest
- Canton (characterized by a small square in the upper left hand corner of the shield) - representing a flag that has been added to the arms that may have been granted by a Sovereign
- Chevron (characterized by two lines bent into right angles and forming a point in the middle of the shield) - representing the roof of a house and signifying faithful service and protection
- Chief (characterized by one horizontal line toward the top of the shield) - authority, dominion, achievement in battle, wisdom
- Cross (characterized by a large cross covering the entire width and length of the shield, the lines are horizontal and vertical) - one of Christian faith who served in the Crusades
- Fess (characterized by two horizontal lines running through the middle of the shield) - signifying the military belt and representing honor
- Pale (characterized by two vertical lines in the middle of the shield) - fortitude and military strength
- Pile - (characterized by a triangular image with the point of the triangle pointing downward) - representing wood used to build bridges and signifying building and construction
- Saltire - (characterized by a cross looking like a large X covering the entire area of the shield, running from corner to corner) - St. Andrew's cross signifying resolve and resolution
These are just a few of the symbols and shapes commonly found on the coat of arms. There may be different symbols and colors used on your own personal family crest aside from those mentioned because many families sought to find a family crest that was truly unique. Through a little research and imagination, you just might be able to decode your family crest as well!
Are You Drowning in Caregiving
An area of concern that I get asked about the most is
finding someone to give the caregiver a break.
Most adult children fall into caregiving as a result
of an incident that placed their elder in a crisis situation. After the dust settles and reality sets in often we realize that our lives have changed and this change is often not welcomed.
We find ourselves unprepared for caring for our parent
especially when that care is for issues such as dementia, incontinence or immobility.
A period of time goes by and then we begin to feel
totally overwhelmed. Most of this feeling can be a
result of trying to be ALL to our parent. We find that our life, our family, and our routine has gone by the wayside.
Many caregivers try to provide care single-handedly
while neglecting their own needs. It is common
amoung caregivers to think that their life has to come
second to the needs of their parent. Martyrdom is
common.
This thinking often leads to frustration, anger and guilt. We forget that we have a right to live and that balance is necessary in everyone's life.
There are solutions but they require risk. Many
caregivers often fear asking for help because they
fear rejection. Admitting that they cannot handle all the caregiving alone is often terrifying. Most wonder why others will not offer to help so they do not have to ask.
Picking up the reins is what will help us regain
control of our lives.
Creating a Freedom Plan
1) Get special instruction to provide the
care needed. Ask your doctor for a Medicare
Occupational Therapist or a Nurse to instruct
you on incontinence care,bathing, a Physical
Therapist to teach you how to transfer your
parent to the toilet, in/out of the car, set up an
exercise routine,etc.
2) Make a list of all the things that will give you a break.
ex: a cooked meal twice a week
a sitter 9:00am to noon Tuesday and Thursday
play cards with mom every Wednesday afternoon
3) Join a support team even when you think you
do not need it.
4) Hire a baby sitter to sit with your parent so you
can have a night out with spouse or family night.
5) Plan a Vacation by swapping homes with a sibling.
6) Hire respite care regularly for you and your family.
7) Start all this as soon as possible so your parent
gets use to different people providing the care.
Keep your needs list current.
ANYTIME ANYONE asks if you need anything
go right to this list and ask them to choose what ever they feel they can do.
You will be amazed how often people will sign up
to help when you are clear on your needs.
finding someone to give the caregiver a break.
Most adult children fall into caregiving as a result
of an incident that placed their elder in a crisis situation. After the dust settles and reality sets in often we realize that our lives have changed and this change is often not welcomed.
We find ourselves unprepared for caring for our parent
especially when that care is for issues such as dementia, incontinence or immobility.
A period of time goes by and then we begin to feel
totally overwhelmed. Most of this feeling can be a
result of trying to be ALL to our parent. We find that our life, our family, and our routine has gone by the wayside.
Many caregivers try to provide care single-handedly
while neglecting their own needs. It is common
amoung caregivers to think that their life has to come
second to the needs of their parent. Martyrdom is
common.
This thinking often leads to frustration, anger and guilt. We forget that we have a right to live and that balance is necessary in everyone's life.
There are solutions but they require risk. Many
caregivers often fear asking for help because they
fear rejection. Admitting that they cannot handle all the caregiving alone is often terrifying. Most wonder why others will not offer to help so they do not have to ask.
Picking up the reins is what will help us regain
control of our lives.
Creating a Freedom Plan
1) Get special instruction to provide the
care needed. Ask your doctor for a Medicare
Occupational Therapist or a Nurse to instruct
you on incontinence care,bathing, a Physical
Therapist to teach you how to transfer your
parent to the toilet, in/out of the car, set up an
exercise routine,etc.
2) Make a list of all the things that will give you a break.
ex: a cooked meal twice a week
a sitter 9:00am to noon Tuesday and Thursday
play cards with mom every Wednesday afternoon
3) Join a support team even when you think you
do not need it.
4) Hire a baby sitter to sit with your parent so you
can have a night out with spouse or family night.
5) Plan a Vacation by swapping homes with a sibling.
6) Hire respite care regularly for you and your family.
7) Start all this as soon as possible so your parent
gets use to different people providing the care.
Keep your needs list current.
ANYTIME ANYONE asks if you need anything
go right to this list and ask them to choose what ever they feel they can do.
You will be amazed how often people will sign up
to help when you are clear on your needs.
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