Save My Marriage Alone - Tips That Will Help You Save Your Marriage

How can I save my marriage alone? This is, unfortunately, a question asked by far too many people today. The first years of marriage are usually happy, and both partners are content. Then problems start, and conflicts begin. Usually, neither person truly wants to end their marriage. They just don't know how to save it.

You know that there are problems in your marriage. You have to really look at them, and find out why they happened. When only one person is trying to save a marriage, it is doing to be difficult. But it CAN be done!

You should try to bring back to 'spark' in your marriage. When couples start to have marital problems, usually the first thing that leaves the marriage is the spark. The romance. The togetherness. You should try to set time aside to spend quality time together, even if it's a small amount of time at first. Think about how wonderful your marriage was before, and this will give you the strength you need to continue to save your marriage.

Show your spouse that you really do still love them. Show them that you appreciate them, and how truly special they are to you.

In a healthy relationship, communication is a key factor. Try to initiate communication with your spouse. At first, it will probably not be easy, but it will get easier with time. When you finally get your spouse to talk, be sure to listen. Listen to their thoughts and feelings, and do your very best to understand.

Keeping a troubled marriage alive is difficult, to say the least. Time changes people, for better or worse. That's just a simple fact of life. But you must learn how to deal with these changes. When you do that, and are willing to put the effort into it, you will succeed in saving your marriage, even when you are doing it alone.

When you find yourself asking 'How can I possibly save my marriage alone?', please know that you CAN do it. Here's a little known secret that has helped thousands of people like yourself learn how to successfully save their marriage. Sabrina Werles

Is Your Marriage in Trouble Due to Husband's Depression? 3 Pieces of Advice For Wives

I think that anybody who's marriage is in trouble would like to see things worked out. There are so many problems, both financial and emotional, that come with divorce that surely isn't a good first choice.

Unfortunately, lots of strength, emotional and physical, is needed to fix things up. This is especially true if your husband suffers from depression. The emotional and physical stress is so great that a lot of women just give up and look to get out of it.

In this article I offer three pieces of advice for women who's marriage is in trouble because of the husband's depression. Read it and implement the ideas so you'll be able to lead a much happier life.

1. Do what you have done before. The best advice that I, or ANYONE else, can give someone who's marriage is in trouble is to remember what you have done in the past. Your husband's depression probably isn't something new. The severity might be new but probably he had bouts of "sadness" even before you concluded that your marriage is in trouble. And if you are still married then the depression did weaken.

Don't waste your time and energy to "reinvent the wheel". Firstly it is not worth the effort. Secondly, if it worked once, it will probably work again. Even if the situation has changed since the last time, you can use what you used in the past as a base and "tweak" it to make it appropriate for the present situation.

2. Take care of yourself. When your husband is depressed it surely takes a heavy toll on you. He might not help with the kids, can't hold a job down (so you have to support the family), offer you NO support, and constantly blame you for his situation and put you down.

You need all the strength that you can muster in order not to fall apart. Go to the gym. Go out to eat or go out to the movies with friends. Lock yourself in a room and read a book.

THIS IS NOT BEING SELFISH. I repeat, "THIS IS NOT BEING SELFISH." If your marriage is in trouble, it will take strength to save it. If you fall apart, then your children will suffer and well as your husband. Therefore take care of yourself.

3. Convince him to get help. This DOES NOT mean to just "drop the bomb" and bluntly tell him, "Dear, I think that you need help." This surely won't help! (as I'm sure you know.)

A simple, and very effective, formula to use is (1) only mention facts (no labels) (2) make clear what you are not hinting to, and (3) then to say what you want to say (as gently as you can say it, but enough to get your point across).

Meaning: You don't call him lazy, inconsiderate, or self centered. You only say what you saw. For instance, "I see that you haven't gotten up before 12:30 for the past month."

After that you say something to the effect of, "I'm not saying that you are lazy or that you don't care about the family."

Only after that can you say, "Therefore what do think can help you here?" If he says, "Nothing, it will work itself out. Just give it time and don't rush me", then you can suggest that you don't agree and that and suggest that he sees someone (or to do something else to overcome his depression).

Dealing with a depressed husband isn't easy. However, it also doesn't mean that you have to run to divorce that might be "jumping from the frying pan into the fire".

Begin with these 3 ideas and stay strong until you once again begin to have a happy marriage.

Shevach Pepper

Marriage Communication

As I fly around the country, the person sitting next to me on an airplane will often ask me what I do. When I tell the person that I direct the Marriage Enrichment Programs at Family Dynamics, he or she often asks me questions about marriage.

Eventually, the conversation turns to the role of communication in marriage. When it does, I’m often asked what I think are the vital aspects of good communication, and by implication, what makes for bad communication. When asked, I include five components of good communication.

Good communication in marriage is respectful.

In our Dynamic Marriage course, we discuss what Dr. Willard Harley calls “disrespectful judgments.” Sarcasm, ridicule, judgmental statements and accusations, and put downs fit into this category. Good communication avoids all such disrespect. This is another way of saying that good communication is qualitative. Just listen to couples talking to each other. Do you hear condescension or sarcastic responses to honest statements and questions? Do you hear one partner make fun of the other’s mispronunciations or poor grammar? Do you hear a spouse berating or criticizing the other’s choices or decisions? Do you hear one spouse trying to intimidate the other into submission? Do you observe eye-rolling in responses to honest thoughts from the other? Now, analyze the way you talk to your spouse? Is your communication respectful, or does it show grave disrespect?

Good communication in marriage is quantitative.

Most couples engage in meaningful conversation less than 15 minutes per week. Two-income families trying to enable the children to participate in every available recreational activity only makes a viable solution more difficult to discover. The problem is not insurmountable, however, as long as we take advantage of multi-tasking.

Good conversation can occur while participating in other activities. Talk while taking a walk, when working around the house together, while enduring a television commercial, when conducting family meetings, and while driving together to church, the grocery store, or a movie. Couples intent on quantitative as well as qualitative communication seize every possible moment to talk respectfully with one another.

Good communication in marriage is a two-way street.

While effective, respectful talking is essential in good communication, respectful listening is also vital. Bad communication begins with one spouse dominating the conversation, but the listener can also ensure bad communication. A lack of eye contact, negative facial gestures, or disengaged body language also stymies good communication.

Watch a couple at the airport or in the food court at a shopping mall talk to one another. Does one spouse dominate the conversation? Does he interrupt his spouse when she tries to get in a few words of self-defense or alternate viewpoint? Does the dominant voice refuse to really listen? If so, this conversation is not a two-way street and is doomed to be at best, poor communication.

Good communication in marriage probes for more insight.

No matter how well conceived and how well stated, most listeners fail to grasp the full meaning of the speaker, especially the subtle nuances. The only way to overcome the unnecessary miscues in conversation is to ask questions. To maintain good communication, however, the questions must be asked respectfully and courteously.

Responses like, “That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard; don’t you mean to say . . . ?” probe but are incredibly disrespectful. On the other hand, an introductory statement to a question like “Please forgive my inability to keep up with you, but I need to ask a question about what you just said” is both probing and respectful.

Good communication in marriage is honest.

Any spouse who learns that his spouse lied about something wonders from then on if the truth is on the table when any issue arises. Tragically, lying brings long-term consequences that most spouses fail to consider before twisting the truth. Honesty, however, is not merely avoiding falsehood. Honesty also means that we refuse to avoid sharing information that our spouse has the right to know and would want to know. Why would we avoid sharing such information? Usually, we either fear judgment from our spouse if we admit our failings, or we fear hurting our spouse’s feelings.

Good communication in marriage does not hide, distort, or evade the truth from the other. But honest communication doesn’t necessitate cruelty just for the sake of honesty. Respectful honesty is the key phrase.

By Terry Northcutt