Tuesday 12 May 2009

5 Tips to Fix a Sexless Marriage Or Relationship

If you're in a sexless marriage or relationship and wish to change it to the better, this article is definitely for you, and I urge you to read it through. In order to fix a sexless marriage you need to be able to take a step back from what is happening to you and look at things objectively. I know it's hard as you must be going through an emotional turmoil, but trust me, it's the best sexless marriage advice I can give because it needs to be done. If you let your perspective be clouded by your emotions, it would be difficult for you to fix your sexless marriage.

Here are some tips to fix a sexless marriage or Relationship

1. Don't think it's all about you - Often you tend to blame yourself that your partner is not sleeping with you. Again, it's understandable that you feel rejected, confused, and hurt. But more often than not, this has little to do directly with you and stems from deeper relationship issues.

2. Don't be a victim - Feeling sorry for yourself is the easiest thing to do. You feel that you've been done wrong and you just want someone to offer you compassion. Well, tough luck, feeling sorry for yourself is counterproductive as it will not bring any intimacy back into your marriage or relationship. If you truly wish to fix your sexless marriage, stop playing the victim and realize that this is entirely within your power to change the direction your marriage has taken. It's also entirely up to you to start the process.

3. Don't play the blame game - It's easy to start throwing blame around either at yourself or at your partner. Both of these courses are the wrong path to take. Playing the blame game will not lead anywhere, it will only deepen the rift between you and your partner. Realize that the blame is probably not with either of you solely. You both share the responsibility for everything that happens in your relationship.

4. Look to the past - Sexless marriages don't just spring up out of thin air. They are just symptoms of other, deeper relationship issues between you and your partner. One of the ways to figure out what went wrong and how to correct it is to think back to a time before your relationship difficulties began. What was different then that isn't that way now? More often than not, you will find that something about your relationship or your life together has changed. At other times outside factors like a change in employment conditions may have happened and contributed to the relationship problems you now have. Before you can solve the problem, you need to recognize the causes. Look to the past and the answer will probably stare at you right in the face.

5. Look to the future - Of course, not everything that went well in the past can be duplicated in the present or future; you may kids now, or work different hours, or anything else which may constitute a big part of your life. However, that doesn't mean that you can't change your relationship for the better. And that's really one of the keys to solving most sexless relationships, the idea of change and applying that idea. Once you realize that something or things in your past triggered this condition, you can take action to fix your sexless marriage or relationship by taking steps to reduce the effect of that 'thing'. For instance, if your relationship started to turn sexless after you had children, you should strive to make time for you and your partner away from you kids. Taking a weekend off is a great idea which can really get the fire roaring again between you. You know what happened in the past and so you can get creative in the future.

Take these 5 steps and you will be much closer to fixing your sexless marriage or relationship.

Is This a Requirement For the Success of a Marriage Or Relationship

Trust in relationships could be considered one of the essential requirements for the success of a good marriage or relationship. It is essential for a healthy relationship. Trust is absolutely pivotal in order for a relationship to work. Where there is no trust, it effects the relationship in so many ways, and there are relationship questions, like cheating relationship questions.

When there is a lack of trust there is continuous suspicion and doubt about many things, raising a lot of relationship questions to ask. One is left questioning everything, and wondering if certain behavior or activities are other examples of a breach of trust in the relationship. So much so that it can get to the point where a person is so effected they are never able to be at ease, even thinking that cheating in relationships, is part of what happens in relationships.

When the couple are not together, whether this be during the day when each is at work, or if one party is out somewhere else at other times. This lack of trust in the relationship, can be effecting the person so much who feels there has been a violation of trust, that asking relationship questions becomes a constant focus. They can be thinking, "what is he/she up to now," "can I be sure they are where they said they would be, or are going."

The effects can be devastating, and have a major impact on the ongoing level of confidence in the marriage. Trust in relationships can become an issue with some couples if one of the partners has a friendship with a person of the opposite sex. There tends to be a belief with a lot of people, that it is not possible to have platonic relationships with anyone not of the same sex.

This can be a relationship issue threatening trust in relationships no matter how long people have been together or what age they are, and can become a serious relationship problem. This is rather a shame, as it is surely possible to have platonic relationships without suspecting there has to be sexual activity involved, leading to having grounds for a lack of trust in relationships.

Unfortunately, this is very common, as there is such a strong view generally, that men and women can't have platonic relationships. This can be the case, particularly with people who have cynical attitudes who tend to be skeptical and distrustful in their approach to life. Another threat to trust in relationships can be if either partner has experienced a breakdown in trust in a previous relationship.

Sometimes people have not come to terms with this issue from a former relationship, and it can be useful to seek professional help if that is the case. Associated with this, is that there can be self esteem issues that need to be addressed. In simple terms, it can be a matter of,"I wasn't good enough before, how can I be now". There can be ongoing lack of trust in relationships. In a lot of marriages and relationships there is clear evidence for the distrust.

When this happens, it is unlikely the relationship can survive to the satisfaction of both partners, in which case it is going to be preferable for the couple not to stay together and to consider ways to end relationships. It is simply a matter of good relationships are built on trust, and without it, there is no foundation for the survival of the relationship. I have tended to focus on the issues associated with when there is a lack, or breakdown of trust, in relationships.

It is important to emphasize that when there is trust in relationships, it is a wonderful experience for you. It means you can be at ease with each other and have a totally different experience. You have a connection and level of intimacy that is intense and deep-seated, allowing you to enjoy life to the fullest. You have such a level of trust in your relationship that is beyond the wildest dreams of most people, and you feel very special.

Leo has been a counselor for twenty years dealing with a range of issues with clients. During that time he has dealt with relationships primarily. He has given many talks, seminars and workshops on relationships to a broad cross section of people in the community, including other counselors, doctors, nurses, police,politicians, church groups, to name a few. He has also been interviewed by all sectors of the media about aspects of his work.

The Energetics Of A Healthy Marriage Relationship

Most of what we know about our relationships we've learn from TV, movies or even romance novels. For many women, the idea they will meet their Prince Charming and live happily ever after is something they are brought up believing is true. As a society, we are lead to believe that one day we will meet the man or woman of our dreams, fall in love, get married, have children and live together forever in an idealist world only found in fairy tails. And for a small number of couple this is the case. For the vast majority of us, once the honeymoon is over, what was once thought to be fun, easy and carefree turns into being work, an aspect of a relationship no one really ever considers. Thus instead of addressing the changes that are taking place in our relationship space, where we need to nurture ourselves and our relationship, we instead find ways of diminishing or destroying it.

In a marriage, or any kind of relationship, whether personal or professional, agreements, both spoken and unspoken, are created. For example, at work, we agree to work hard, show up on time and to follow the directives established by the company. In our marriage, we agree to be loving, supportive and faithful. In turn, if someone breaks or violates any of the agreements, we may try to convince ourselves that their bad behavior was ok, but in the end the hurt we experience simply accumulates and over time, we come to the conclusion that enough is enough. Instead of discovering how we can win back our mate's love an approval, we often times go to our own corner, lick our wounded pride and project an attitude of "I can do it without him" or "I don't care".

There is a song sang by Brooks & Dunn called "Husbands & Wives". If you are not familiar with the song, it goes like this:

Two broken hearts lonely looking houses

Where nobody lives

Two people each having so much pride inside

Neither side forgives

The angry words spoken in haste

Such a waste of two lives

It's my belief pride is the chief cause in the decline

Of the number of husbands and wives.

We are taught that pride is a good thing. We are proud of our country, our football teams, our children and our accomplishments. This is the good aspect of pride. It helps us to identify who we are, what we value and helps us create a balanced sense of self. For many of us, however, pride or should I say ego is also mixed with our need to compare ourselves with others. Am I richer, smarter or even better looking than the people around me? Now granted, there are some that are convinced of their superiority over others, but it isn't the overt sense of pride we are talking about here, but instead the kind that works to protect us from ourselves and our self-doubt.

In a relationship, pride and ego are the enemy of love. Pride, ego and self-esteem are all important aspects of ourselves...yet too much pride can be a bad thing, especially if it means that my needs, my honor, my values come first. This is especially true when we insist that we are right and are unyielding, regardless of the cost to ourselves and others. In the end, no one gets what they want, and neither party is happy.

Let's look at a relationship from another perspective - from an energetic perspective. Relationships are about creating a dynamic of give and take or as how many people have heard it described, it should be 50-50. Both parties have to be willing to commit their time and energy into making a relationship work. At first this is easy. When we meet and fall in love, everything is new. It is easy for us to put a great deal of ourselves into the relationship. In addition to wanting to spend time with our new love, we will find ourselves thinking about him or her throughout the day and look forward to the time we will spend together.

This is a normal part of the process. As we get to know our significant other, we enjoy the process of opening and deepening the feelings of mental and emotional closeness. We can see and feel ourselves getting closer to our partner and this is one of the best parts about falling in love.

This state of drawing closer, over time, begins to shift. It changes from big easily acknowledgeable steps closer to smaller, less noticeable ones. To many, this slowdown feels like the forward movement within the relationship has stopped or even as if they are growing apart from their partner. And while they may still love their spouse, they can find themselves feeling as if they are "falling out of love".

So what has happened. Well first off, the relationship isn't new anymore. We are no longer easily allured by the new learning's, the new feelings we experienced when the relationship first started which allowed us to effortlessly pour our energy into the relationship. What happens for most of us, this drive fades away and instead of devoting our attention to our relationship, other things start to claim our attention, our time and our energy, which in the end takes away from the energy dynamics we have with our partner. What we find is instead of it being easy, we now have to make a conscious choice to contribute to the relationship - and this is often where a relationship will fail.

In a healthy relationship our partners need two things from us - our time and our attention. Of the two, our attention is more important. Without paying attention to their wants, needs and desires, we are inadvertently saying to them that they are low on the totem pole. And so even thought we might be spending time with them, this act does not let them know that they are valued in our eyes.

According to an article I read online. It stated that: "Giving time without attention is sort of like leaving a seventeen cent tip at a restaurant... it lets the other person know that you didn't forget, you just didn't think they were worthy of more. It's insulting, whether done consciously, as with the tip, or subconsciously, as with spending time with your significant other without giving them your full attention."

How do we give our partner attention? We talk to them, we buy them a nice gift, we make them something, we do something with them. Bottom line, we show them through our thoughts and deeds that we are thinking about them, considering them and we have their welfare in mind.

While not fully on point, let me give you an example. Many years ago I had what I considered a very close friend. As customary, we exchanged gifts for Christmas. That year our relationship was very strained. He was spending a lot of his time and energy making hand made crystal rune sets for everyone he knew - well that is except for me. It was my hope I would be given a very very special set of runes for Christmas - especially because of the close relationship we had. Instead, however, he gave me a silver and turquoise bead bracelet with matching earrings. Now don't get me wrong, it was nice....but to anyone, and I mean anyone who knew me, they could readily see that it was something I would never ever wear.

This experience left me feeling devalued, that he wasn't thinking about me at all. Through his actions or lack of consideration it really hurt our long standing friendship. And I'm sharing this, because he was just a close friend. Just think about how much more devastating something like this can be when it happens in your relationship with your spouse.

Our mental involvement in our relationships is critical. If we don't show our mate that we were thinking about them specifically, it loses some if not all of its value in their eyes.

Thankfully, we can all fall in love again. A successful relationship requires that we place our partner ahead of our wants and needs, our likes and dislikes. By doing so, we will find that our partner will respond (that is unless the relationship is too damaged) in turn. This happens when we wake up one day and realize that our partner has fallen from our attention for too long, when we recognize that we need our spouse in our lives or that we want to share our lives with them.

As we begin to put our attention back into our relationship, we can again close the gap that has opened between us and our spouse. This will create feelings of falling in love and help to rekindle the feelings of love that were once shared. It opens the flow of energy from one person to the other and helps to create a state of love and joy within the marriage.

This flow of energy supports us as we let go of the ravages and walls that our ego and pride have constructed. As our heart melts, we can again begin to feel the love that was already and always there. When we feel loved, we feel safe and secure enough to open our hearts and minds to another. It gives us the opportunity to express our essence and share feelings of peace, serenity, happiness, compassion and patience with them. It is then that we can begin to celebrate our union and oneness with another and truly go riding into the sunset and live happily ever after.

© Copyright Body, Mind & SoulHealer - www.soulhealer.com 2008. All rights reserved.

6 Steps to a Better Relationship Or Marriage

Marriage relationships can be the most fulfilling life experience you will ever have -- or the worst! You are clearly wise enough to value your relationships and marriage, and to want to make them as special as can be. So what can you do to make your marriage relationships blissful and harmonious, loving, passionate and romantic? Here are 3 tips to keep the sparkle in your relationships and marriage....

1. Relationships as a work of art

What makes a painting valuable? Usually it's the rarity of the painting (there's only one), and the mastery of the artist. Your marriage relationships are just as rare. Nobody can duplicate exactly your marriage or love relationship. It's unique. And that makes it special. If you add to that the attention and care that you choose to give your partnership, you can see how valuable it really is. Start to appreciate your relationships and marriage more. Reframe the way you look at it. Take time to enjoy it. Luxuriate in what is wonderful about it and be sure to express lots of appreciation to your partner for every little thing. And appreciate yourself too -- you created this -- and you will make it even better!

2. Marriage as a pathway to self development

Marriage knocks the sharp edges off you and rounds you out as an individual. In the best marriage relationships, both partners strive hard to keep on improving and growing. That way they remain attractive and interesting to one another. Don't settle into a relationship. Life is an adventure in growth and development. Always strive to improve. Look for ways to be more loving. Exercise your creativity to surprise and delight your partner -- we all want to have fun, especially us gals!

3. Marriage relationships as a focus for love

When you and I eventually leave this mortal coil, it will be the relationships we formed and the love that we gave and received that will be most meaningful for us. Make LOVE your focus in life and your life will be so very rich. Let your marriage relationships be your major life project, your purpose if you will. Learn to give more and to put more love into your relationships and marriage. See just how far you can go and keep pushing back the borders of your love. What a truly wonderful life you will create. As you focus love in on your primary love relationship, and it flourishes under your touch, you will soon find yourself pouring love into all your relationships with family, friends and the world. Such actions make this world a better place.

Want a 'fairy tale' relationship? They do exist! Don't miss out! Discover the secrets to a blissful relationship at: http://www.blissfulrelationship.com your top tips resource for ensuring your love and marriage relationships grow more joyful and fulfilling every day!

Copyright 2007 Anne Amore ~ May you be now and forever blessed with love. So it is.

3 Marriage Relationships Tips To Keep Relationships and Marriage Love-Fille

Marriage relationships can be the most fulfilling life experience you will ever have -- or the worst! You are clearly wise enough to value your relationships and marriage, and to want to make them as special as can be. So what can you do to make your marriage relationships blissful and harmonious, loving, passionate and romantic? Here are 3 tips to keep the sparkle in your relationships and marriage....

1. Relationships as a work of art

What makes a painting valuable? Usually it's the rarity of the painting (there's only one), and the mastery of the artist. Your marriage relationships are just as rare. Nobody can duplicate exactly your marriage or love relationship. It's unique. And that makes it special. If you add to that the attention and care that you choose to give your partnership, you can see how valuable it really is. Start to appreciate your relationships and marriage more. Reframe the way you look at it. Take time to enjoy it. Luxuriate in what is wonderful about it and be sure to express lots of appreciation to your partner for every little thing. And appreciate yourself too -- you created this -- and you will make it even better!

2. Marriage as a pathway to self development

Marriage knocks the sharp edges off you and rounds you out as an individual. In the best marriage relationships, both partners strive hard to keep on improving and growing. That way they remain attractive and interesting to one another. Don't settle into a relationship. Life is an adventure in growth and development. Always strive to improve. Look for ways to be more loving. Exercise your creativity to surprise and delight your partner -- we all want to have fun, especially us gals!

3. Marriage relationships as a focus for love

When you and I eventually leave this mortal coil, it will be the relationships we formed and the love that we gave and received that will be most meaningful for us. Make LOVE your focus in life and your life will be so very rich. Let your marriage relationships be your major life project, your purpose if you will. Learn to give more and to put more love into your relationships and marriage. See just how far you can go and keep pushing back the borders of your love. What a truly wonderful life you will create. As you focus love in on your primary love relationship, and it flourishes under your touch, you will soon find yourself pouring love into all your relationships with family, friends and the world. Such actions make this world a better place.

Want a 'fairy tale' relationship? They do exist! Don't miss out! Discover the secrets to a blissful relationship at: http://www.blissfulrelationship.com your top tips resource for ensuring your love and marriage relationships grow more joyful and fulfilling every day!

Copyright 2007 Anne Amore ~ May you be now and forever blessed with love. So it is.