Polygamy is a main feature of African tribal customs…
Christianity and Western values are influencing the African society for monogamous relationships. However, Islamic permission for polygamy has strengthened the African tribal customs in this regard. The statistics show that 36% women in rural areas and 24% women in urban areas have to accept polygamous marriages.
Most of the women prefer monogamous marriages to acquire importance with their husbands and to avoid pressures and jealousies of the previous wives. However, it is wrong to say that Islam has caused polygamy in Africa. The ancient African tribal customs prove that polygamy had been prevailing in the African countries for centuries.
Some claim that polygamy in Africa is result of marriage in teenage. Some point out that polygamy is result of age-gaps between husband and first wife. Some others even claim that African women accept polygamous marriages to get protection of the wealthy and influential married people.
In eight out of our eleven countries, the proneness to marriage in early ages is in varying degree. Incidentally the uneducated women not only prefer to marry early but also involve in polygamous relations. On the other hand the girls in schools prefer to delay their marriage for a significant time. The educated women also reject polygamous marriages and prefer to be single wives of their husbands. They don’t like to become junior wives to the less educated or previous wives.
Analysis show that the African women getting education have to face a short marriage market for a compatible husband. Some allege that such situations the women prefer prohibited relationships with older husbands of worth, hoping that their roles as "outside wives" will help them advance into superior social echelons.
Other African Tribal Customs
A traditional African wedding is a complex pack of divergent customs, rituals and events. The influence of Islam, Christianity and Western values is imminent. However, African public prefers to follow their centuries old African tribal customs with a lot of honor and pride.
A marriage in Africa is not union of two persons but of two families. And majority of African marriages are arranged. The role of families of the marriage partners is very important. The general public considers arranged marriages as a symbol of honor and prestige. That’s why every notable family and their children prefer arranged marriages even when their children develop some kind of affair before marriage. The children of a married couple are considered belonging to the families and their parents in equal terms.
On the other hand the poor families allow love marriages. The young people have to decide their life partners independently. Though they may have consent of their parents but still they are not forced to enter an arranged marriage against their wills.
In African tribal customs, the girls are supposed to avoid sexual interaction before marriages. They protect their virginity as a symbol of their honor and respect. Most of the women in African believe that they should follow a specific order of love, marriage and child birth.
In today’s Lamu communities the brides are mandated to be virgin before wedlock. They recognize it as a chapter of honor and respect. They want their women adjusted to safeguard their families and support a good esteem.
Under Western vehemence some people may accept pre-marital sexual relations as a part of marriage process. Some may argue that it is a way to determine sexual compatibility between the partners and to examine their fertility. However, there are certain scientific and psychological methods to determine the both sides without having sexual relation.
In African tribal customs the age of the marriage partners has never been an issue. However, under the influence of Islam and Western values, the modern states of African have preferred to fix a minimum age level for marriage. The marriage age level is low in uneducated girls while it is increasing fast in the educated girls. In Muslim and Protestant families the women prefer to marry from 19 years to 29 years of their ages.
In African tribal customs, the bride is shows to the whole tribe. It is a symbolic consent of the bride to enter in the world of women. She is going to be no more a girl but a woman who can share her private talks to other married women.
A special ceremony is organized. The public welcomes the bride with clapping and cheerful sounds. She is admitted as a star of night. The brides are expected to wear traditional marriage dresses. However, if families allow the bride may go for western styled marriage dresses.
Saturday 7 November 2009
Ten Tips for having a Smart Marriage
1. Marriage matters. Married people & their kids do better on all measures of health, wealth, happiness, & success. And, married folks report having more & better sex than single or divorced people.
2. It's not the differences but how we handle them that separate successful marriages from the failures. Disagreeing doesn’t predict divorce. Stonewalling, avoidance, contempt, criticism, and the silent treatment predict divorce. Learn how to disagree in ways that help you fall more in love.
3. All happily married couples have approximately ten irreconcilable differences - ten issues they will never resolve. If we switch partners, we just get ten new issues that are likely to be even more annoying and complicated. Sadly, if there are children from an earlier marriage or relationship, disagreements about them go to the top of the list. What's important is to discuss our own set of issues just as we would discuss how to manage living with a chronic bad back or trick knee. We wish they weren't there, but what’s important is to keep talking about how to manage them and still do the marriage “dance”.
4. Love is not an absolute (a yes or no situation) and it’s not limited substance. It's a feeling and feelings ebb and flow depending on how we treat each other. We can learn new ways to interact and the feelings “of being in love” can come flowing back, often stronger than before.
5. Marital satisfaction often dips with the birth of a baby. That's normal. Marital satisfaction is at its lowest when there are kids in the house between 11 and 16. That's normal. We need to know what to expect, appreciate our parenting partner – and hang in. It makes good sense to stay married for the sake of the kids - and for our own sake. Even with the challenges, it’s a lot easier to be a parenting team than to be a single, divorced, or remarried parent. Plus there is a silver lining: satisfaction goes back up with the empty nest. The final stage of marriage – with a job well done – is the real honeymoon period.
6. Sex ebbs and flows. It comes and goes. That's normal. Plan for & make time for more “flows”.
7. Creating good marital sex is not about putting the sizzle BACK INTO your sex life. Early marital sex is sex between strangers – we don't yet know our partner or ourselves. The most passionate sex is intimate sex based on knowing our partner and letting them know us. One of the most important tasks of marriage is to develop a satisfying marital sex style. It's not about going BACK; it's about going FORWARD, together.
8. Repair attempts are crucial and are highly predictive of marital happiness. They can be clumsy or funny, even sarcastic, but the willingness to make up after an argument, is central to every happy marriage.
9. Learn to welcome, embrace and integrate change – to discuss and update your wishes, hopes & dreams – on a regular basis. We often “interview” each other before marriage and then think "that's it." The marriage vow is a promise to stay married, not to stay the same. (Thank goodness!) Keep up-to-date with changes in your partner. Don’t fear changes, celebrate them!
10. Try several different marriage education courses. Become informed consumers – rate the courses, discuss what you liked best – which ideas were most helpful. Decide which courses to recommend to your kids, friends and family – which to give as wedding, anniversary and new baby gifts. The courses don't tell you what kind of marriage to have. That's up to you. They give you the tools – the hammers, screwdrivers, and levels – so you can build the kind of marriage that suits you, one which can help you to negotiate, and renegotiate, your own values, meaning, and goals.
2. It's not the differences but how we handle them that separate successful marriages from the failures. Disagreeing doesn’t predict divorce. Stonewalling, avoidance, contempt, criticism, and the silent treatment predict divorce. Learn how to disagree in ways that help you fall more in love.
3. All happily married couples have approximately ten irreconcilable differences - ten issues they will never resolve. If we switch partners, we just get ten new issues that are likely to be even more annoying and complicated. Sadly, if there are children from an earlier marriage or relationship, disagreements about them go to the top of the list. What's important is to discuss our own set of issues just as we would discuss how to manage living with a chronic bad back or trick knee. We wish they weren't there, but what’s important is to keep talking about how to manage them and still do the marriage “dance”.
4. Love is not an absolute (a yes or no situation) and it’s not limited substance. It's a feeling and feelings ebb and flow depending on how we treat each other. We can learn new ways to interact and the feelings “of being in love” can come flowing back, often stronger than before.
5. Marital satisfaction often dips with the birth of a baby. That's normal. Marital satisfaction is at its lowest when there are kids in the house between 11 and 16. That's normal. We need to know what to expect, appreciate our parenting partner – and hang in. It makes good sense to stay married for the sake of the kids - and for our own sake. Even with the challenges, it’s a lot easier to be a parenting team than to be a single, divorced, or remarried parent. Plus there is a silver lining: satisfaction goes back up with the empty nest. The final stage of marriage – with a job well done – is the real honeymoon period.
6. Sex ebbs and flows. It comes and goes. That's normal. Plan for & make time for more “flows”.
7. Creating good marital sex is not about putting the sizzle BACK INTO your sex life. Early marital sex is sex between strangers – we don't yet know our partner or ourselves. The most passionate sex is intimate sex based on knowing our partner and letting them know us. One of the most important tasks of marriage is to develop a satisfying marital sex style. It's not about going BACK; it's about going FORWARD, together.
8. Repair attempts are crucial and are highly predictive of marital happiness. They can be clumsy or funny, even sarcastic, but the willingness to make up after an argument, is central to every happy marriage.
9. Learn to welcome, embrace and integrate change – to discuss and update your wishes, hopes & dreams – on a regular basis. We often “interview” each other before marriage and then think "that's it." The marriage vow is a promise to stay married, not to stay the same. (Thank goodness!) Keep up-to-date with changes in your partner. Don’t fear changes, celebrate them!
10. Try several different marriage education courses. Become informed consumers – rate the courses, discuss what you liked best – which ideas were most helpful. Decide which courses to recommend to your kids, friends and family – which to give as wedding, anniversary and new baby gifts. The courses don't tell you what kind of marriage to have. That's up to you. They give you the tools – the hammers, screwdrivers, and levels – so you can build the kind of marriage that suits you, one which can help you to negotiate, and renegotiate, your own values, meaning, and goals.
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