I think that anybody who's marriage is in trouble would like to see things worked out. There are so many problems, both financial and emotional, that come with divorce that surely isn't a good first choice.
Unfortunately, lots of strength, emotional and physical, is needed to fix things up. This is especially true if your husband suffers from depression. The emotional and physical stress is so great that a lot of women just give up and look to get out of it.
In this article I offer three pieces of advice for women who's marriage is in trouble because of the husband's depression. Read it and implement the ideas so you'll be able to lead a much happier life.
1. Do what you have done before. The best advice that I, or ANYONE else, can give someone who's marriage is in trouble is to remember what you have done in the past. Your husband's depression probably isn't something new. The severity might be new but probably he had bouts of "sadness" even before you concluded that your marriage is in trouble. And if you are still married then the depression did weaken.
Don't waste your time and energy to "reinvent the wheel". Firstly it is not worth the effort. Secondly, if it worked once, it will probably work again. Even if the situation has changed since the last time, you can use what you used in the past as a base and "tweak" it to make it appropriate for the present situation.
2. Take care of yourself. When your husband is depressed it surely takes a heavy toll on you. He might not help with the kids, can't hold a job down (so you have to support the family), offer you NO support, and constantly blame you for his situation and put you down.
You need all the strength that you can muster in order not to fall apart. Go to the gym. Go out to eat or go out to the movies with friends. Lock yourself in a room and read a book.
THIS IS NOT BEING SELFISH. I repeat, "THIS IS NOT BEING SELFISH." If your marriage is in trouble, it will take strength to save it. If you fall apart, then your children will suffer and well as your husband. Therefore take care of yourself.
3. Convince him to get help. This DOES NOT mean to just "drop the bomb" and bluntly tell him, "Dear, I think that you need help." This surely won't help! (as I'm sure you know.)
A simple, and very effective, formula to use is (1) only mention facts (no labels) (2) make clear what you are not hinting to, and (3) then to say what you want to say (as gently as you can say it, but enough to get your point across).
Meaning: You don't call him lazy, inconsiderate, or self centered. You only say what you saw. For instance, "I see that you haven't gotten up before 12:30 for the past month."
After that you say something to the effect of, "I'm not saying that you are lazy or that you don't care about the family."
Only after that can you say, "Therefore what do think can help you here?" If he says, "Nothing, it will work itself out. Just give it time and don't rush me", then you can suggest that you don't agree and that and suggest that he sees someone (or to do something else to overcome his depression).
Dealing with a depressed husband isn't easy. However, it also doesn't mean that you have to run to divorce that might be "jumping from the frying pan into the fire".
Begin with these 3 ideas and stay strong until you once again begin to have a happy marriage.
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