Parenting is Teamwork

Today, about two-thirds of women with children work outside the home, at least part time. Shifting from the responsibilities of the workplace to the equally responsible job of parenting is a tall order. Every parent knows how chaotic the hours after work and before bedtime can be. To manage the home, young couples are challenged to share the load of parenting.

The gender roles of the 1950s do not fit today's dual bread-winning parents. Parenting demands pulling together, dividing the load, and affirming one another often. Whether you are a working dad or a working mom, here are some after-hours tips for you and your spouse:

* SWITCH GEARS. While you commute homeward, mentally file away the workday and bring your family into focus. Think about your spouse and each child, remembering a special need of each person. By the time you reach for your doorknob, you'll be thinking about the important things happening in the lives of your family.

* Decide to be POSITIVE. Attitude can make or break almost any family situation. Guard against resentment when a business phone call takes your spouse away from a critical task. If you need to, establish weeknight telephone (and TV) limits.

* Agree ahead of time on an EGALITARIAN evening schedule. Select a way that works for you, whether simple division of tasks, rotation, or blocks of "on duty" time. The important thing is clear expectations, being flexible and showing appreciation when your spouse "covers" for you.

* Resist hinting or hoping your spouse will see the things that need to be done. Instead, CLEARLY DESCRIBE what you need and by what time. A wife might ask her husband, "Could you please help Marcel complete three more pages in his Scout manual before he leaves for his den meeting at 7 p.m.?" A husband might suggest to his wife, "If I pick up the dry cleaning tomorrow afternoon, could you drop off the film before work tomorrow morning?" When you nail down the specifics of each task, there's less room for disappointment. Once jobs are agreed on, let each person do the task in their own way -- without checking.

*SHOW APPRECIATION several times an evening for your spouse's help. Genuine gratitude keeps positive energy flowing and that spirit is reflected in the children's attitudes, too.

* Don't forget to INCLUDE THE KIDS as an integral part of your family team. Give them specific directions for daily tasks, asking them to "report in" when they've completed the job. Then, don't miss telling them how much you appreciate their part in creating a family you're proud of.