A Good Dinka Girl

I knew that was what the Sudanese Embassy would say. I had been the coordinator of the Sudanese Women Voice for Peace, and we had just presented papers to the 1994 International Conference on Population and Development in Cairo. The Sudanese delegation was not too happy with us and there was a confrontation. We ran away, but the Embassy knew I was there.

It was not the first time I had caused them trouble. I went to Egypt because of the civil war in my country. It was difficult for me to get the money to go to university, because I am from Southern Sudan and the government is in the north. If you went to the Sudanese Embassy, they would say "Oh, you are from the north, you are okay. But you are from the south? We don't know how you came to Egypt."

Eventually, I was able to get some money, but I had trouble at the university when the dean of the faculty would not let me sit for the exams. I went to the Sudanese Embassy but they would not help me. They did not want to have bad relations with the Egyptians.

So I went to court
I sued the Egyptian government and I won. I was allowed to transfer to Cairo University to finish my studies. The Sudanese ambassador called me to his office and he was very angry. I went on to be a secretary for Sudanese students, to help them with these kinds of problems. The Sudanese embassy did not forget me. They had tried to jeopardize my future, but my God had worked it out for my good.

You see, I had always believed in God and called myself a Christian. I went to church regularly, but the truth was, I was just like everybody else. I tried to enjoy myself and fill my time with all kinds of things. Then my friend, Jane, invited me to a Bible study. I learned that what I thought it meant to be a Christian was wrong. Then I knew that there was something missing - and it was serious! But I didn't know what it was exactly.

I thought: "What do I do?" Maybe if I read my Bible and went to the Bible study, maybe if I did a lot of good things and became a "good girl," I would be okay. Being from Southern Sudan - where there are many Christians - and from the Dinka tribe, I had a clear idea of what a "good girl" should be. In my tribe, a girl was raised a virgin. I thought that since I did not go around with men that I was good.

But the Bible told me, "Not yet, Gigi. You are not good yet." So I tried to be nice to people. In my mind, I did it so that people would say, "That Gigi is a nice girl." I did my best to be a good person. But it wasn't enough. When I lied, I felt so bad that I would say, "God does not like me today."

Being a good girl
One night in 1989, Jane invited me to stay at her house. There on her table was a little booklet called The Four Spiritual Laws. I thought, "I didn't know that there were only four spiritual laws." It was in English, but it was small and it was interesting. Before I went to sleep, I started to read it.

Believe me, it was the first time I'd heard that God loves me. Not just on the days when I am a "good girl." I had a problem with that. How could God love me?

The second law said that we are separated from God by our sin. But what was the meaning of sin? That struck me.

I learned that sin is not just what you do, it's an attitude. But what could I do with that sinfulness? Wasn't there some way to be good? That is what the rest of the laws told me - that if I accepted Jesus Christ in my life, then I would experience His forgiveness and He would change me.

At the end of the booklet was a prayer. The booklet asked if this was the desire of my heart and I knew it was. I read the prayer again and again because it was in English. I wanted to be sure that I understood the words and that I absorbed them. The message in this booklet had made me very excited, but I wanted to pray this prayer from my heart.

It was God Himself that had been missing from my life. When I asked Jesus into my heart, I began a new life. No more lies. No more running around. God gave me new goals and new desires.

Having Jesus in my life did not eliminate my problems - I have had many struggles, but He is always there to help me. The papers the women and I presented to the conference in Cairo were about the consequences of the Sudanese civil war for the people in Southern Sudan. I was living in Egypt without proper documents and my embassy would not renew my passport. They called me in again and again and I knew it was not safe. After this, the United Nations granted me refugee status. Through my work with other refugees, my husband and I had contact with the Canadian consulate and we were able to come to Canada. Now my husband and I are trusting God for our new life in a new country.

Living with Jesus in my life is like being in the Mediterranean Sea off the coast of Egypt. If you lie still and relax in the water, you will float on the surface. If you struggle, you will sink. I struggled on my own to be a "good girl," but I couldn't do it. Now I rest in God's hands, and He lifts me up.

Take a look at your life. How would you describe it? Contented? Rushed? Exciting? Stressful? Moving forward? Holding back? For many of us it’s all of the above at times. There are things we dream of doing one day, there are things we wish we could forget. In the Bible, it says that Jesus came to make all things new. What would your life look like if you could start over with a clean slate?

Living with hope

If you are looking for peace, there is a way to balance your life. No one can be perfect, or have a perfect life. But every one of us has the opportunity to experience perfect grace through a personal relationship with God through His Son, Jesus Christ.

You can receive Christ right now by faith through prayer. Praying is simply talking to God. God knows your heart and is not so concerned with your words as He is with the attitude of your heart. Here's a suggested prayer:

Lord Jesus, I want to know you personally. Thank you for dying on the cross for my sins. I open the door of my life to you and ask you to come in as my Savior and Lord. Take control of my life. Thank you for forgiving my sins and giving me eternal life. Make me the kind of person you want me to be.

Does this prayer express the desire of your heart? You can pray it right now, and Jesus Christ will come into your life, just as He promised.

Is this the life for you?

If you invited Christ into your life, thank God often that He is in your life, that He will never leave you and that you have eternal life. As you learn more about your relationship with God, and how much He loves you, you'll experience life to the fullest.